You're Much More Fun Than Robb
by purelydramatic
Summary: Modern Au. A series of five separate stories detailing the epic bromance of Theon and Arya. Non-romantic. Other characters will make appearances/be mentioned. Fluff and angst.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the result of my brief return to the world of fanfics (don't get used to it). It's inspired by the crackshipping of one of my Tumblr friends. It's not so much of a romatic ship as a brotp- five au instances of interaction. I hope you like it! (sidenote: Ned Stark is already dead) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own ASOIAF. If I did, everyone would be much, much, happier.**

Theon Greyjoy swore under his breath. He was going to _murder _Robb Stark.

Ten years of friendship meant nothing to the sixteen-year-old boy. He had forgiven his best friend offences before, (Theon still maintained that only a saint like himself would forgive Robb for that toilet trick he played), but this time, there was nothing to save the prissy wanker from his wrath.

One simply doesn't tell their best mate they're setting them up with a blind date, only to dump their kid sister on them for a babysitting job instead.

"Can I sit up in the front now?"

"_No_."

Arya Stark was eleven and tiny, yet still a huge pain in the ass. Though he admittedly wasn't in the best mood at the moment, he had become severely annoyed when she had argued with him about sitting in the backseat. He had impatiently explained to her that only those who had proved their worth got to ride shotgun, and she responded with an dramatic "That's _stu_pid".

He made her sit in the back.

Theon checked his watch. Two more hours with the brat (_Fuck you, Robb Stark)_, and he had already spent half of the money in his wallet trying to distract her with froyo. The froyo was long gone, and he kept glancing in the rearview mirror to see if she was still glaring resentfully at him.

Affirmative.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. How does one entertain little girls with a limited budget anyway? Not that he really felt obligated to do so, but it was less of a headache for him if she was reasonably content. Although...there _was _a piece of business he had to attend to...

"How do you feel about doing some spying, kid?"

Arya perked up immediately. "Spying? Where? And on who?"

"We're gonna spy on someone's date."

She deflated. "That sounds boring. Nothing happens on dates. Not on Robb's or Jon's, at least. Especially not on Sansa's."

Theon smirked. He knew for a fact that both Robb and Jon were hopeless at dating. Not suave enough. He himself made up for it. "Yeah, well, this is a special girl, and a VERY special boy. I don't suppose Robb has introduced you to Ros? Pity. She's fantastic. It's her date I'm worried about."

Arya examined her fingernails, only half paying attention. "Who is he, some pervy pedophile-type from 'To Catch a Predator'?'

Theon actually chuckled. "Not far off. He's this college kid name Petyr Baelish-"

A feral growl cut him off. "Baelish?! I hate him. He creeps on Sansa when we got to Mr. Baratheon's parties. He creeps on my mom too, sometimes."

"That was him?" Theon shook his head in disgust. "Robb mentioned it but never said who...ugh. _Ugh_. That's disgusting. Your mom AND your sister? That's like, at least a twenty year age difference between the two of them. Does he hit on them at the same time?"

Arya stared at him pointedly.

He cleared his throat. His teenage mind was unstoppable. "Erm, right, inappropriate, shouldn't have asked...but c'mon, does he?"

"_Theon"_ She sounded so much like her mother that he almost it the car in front of him in terror. After a few beats of silence, she asked, "What are you going to do to him?"

He choked. "Do? I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to spy on his date!"

She scoffed. "I think you could at least like, vandalize his car or something."

As soon as she said it, his mind leaped away from him and started planning sweet revenge upon Petyr Baelish (Theon had a grudge against him, but that's another story). "Nah, we shouldn't...I mean... it would be great but...it's like, illegal and morally wrong and-"

"And it would be hugely satisfying?" Arya questioned, eyebrow cocked.

He knew she had already won. He_ knew_ he should be put out about a pre-pubescent twerp convincing him to break the law. But imaging the smug little grin being wiped from Petyr's face made him realize he didn't mind all that much.

He jerked over to the side of the road. Turning around to look at the little girl, he grinned. "Come to the front. You've earned shotgun."

As she clambered into the front, beaming in triumph, he set about putting the car back on the road.

"You know," he said conversationally, "You're much more fun than Robb."

**Part 1 of 5. Leave reviews, please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! I'm very sorry, I think I should warn you all now; I'm VERY slow about updating, even for a short fic like this. But I won't abandon it! So here's the new chapter (more fluff!), and I hope you like it :) (Note; we're gonna say Jon is Arya's cousin, adopted as a son by Ned and Cat)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ASOIAF and I think it's a shame**

Arya sighed in contentment.

The winter holiday had always been her favorite time of the year. There was something about the cold that made her feel at home; she was somehow more comfortable with the chill of winter than with the haze of summer. _I'm a Stark_, she smirked to herself. _Of COURSE I like the winter. It's practically a legacy._

However, the season itself was not the sole reason for her happiness; the holiday meant there was no school for her, and no school for her meant no school for her older brothers, too. Robb and Jon (and Theon) had been home for two days now, and the Stark household felt complete.

A portrait of Ned Stark smiled down at her on the plush living room couch. _As complete as it could feel, at least_.

Though the three nineteen-year-olds went to college a mere three hours away, at the Riverlands University, the drive was a nightmare, and certainly not one the boys wanted to make more than two or three times a year. Besides, Arya's mother Catelyn had encourage them to spend more time at school, to increase their independence and "prepare them for the real world", whatever that meant. Though Catelyn was insistent, Arya knew it pained her mother to be so far from her sons, and her desire for their self-sufficiency did not come from a lack of love.

Arya was just grateful that she had her partners in crime back. Without the three older boys, life was rather dull on weekends. Her mother was very busy trying to manage the restaurant owned by their family, and had very little time for her youngest daughter's antics. Rickon was too young to be much fun, and Bran was too serious. Sansa, too, stayed away from Arya's troublemaking ways, though she was always there to help her little sister avoid the consequences of her actions. Arya was grateful for that, and also for the fact that her relationship with Sansa was remarkably better than it had been a few years ago.

Still, she didn't like wreaking havoc alone, and that was why she was so thrilled to have her brothers back. Robb could be rather uptight, but he enjoyed a good prank as much as Arya did. Jon was usually pretty moody (_Teenage angst_, Robb had explained. _You'll understand soon enough_), but he was an adventurer at heart, and gave in to Arya's schemes easily.

Theon Greyjoy plunked down next to her on the couch, offering her a teacup filled with hot chocolate. "Here you go squirt, and don't drop it like the last one, or your mum will have my head." he said affectionately.

"Mum loves you. You could break her entire china collection and she'd probably forgive you." Arya countered, dodging his attempt to ruffle her hair, a favorite habit of his. She couldn't keep the smile off her face, though. If Robb and Jon were amusing, Theon was downright entertaining. Ever since they had met three years ago they had become a masterful team of tricksters, pissing off everyone from cranky Stannis Baratheon to sweet Elia Martell. His entering college had been a bit of a downer, but whenever he came home for breaks, they got back to work.

Tonight, however, they had settled down to catch up. The rest of the family was at some light show at the Targaryen house. Arya didn't care for the family, and Theon didn't care for lights (_Viserys told me it was just going to be his brother and sister setting things on fire and I'm probably better off missing it). _It had served as the perfect opportunity to chat.

"Alright, just tell me now, are there any fresh boys out there that I have to have a talking with?" Theon asked, arranging himself more comfortably on the couch.

Arya wrinkled her nose at him. "Gods, no. All the boys I know are either boring or old. You wouldn't catch me in a ten-foot radius of them."

He chuckled, nodding his head as if he had expected it.

A beat. Then, "What about you? Any girls at college for you?"

He grinned. "No, but I'm sure you know dear Robb is making the rounds."

She snorted. "Yeah, a girlfriend. Roslin. Or is it Jeyne?"

"Both."

She stopped and stared at him. "Both? No. Robb wouldn't do that. He'd never cheat on anyone."

This time, he laughed out loud. "You misunderstand me. When I said both, I meant both at once. The girls are full aware of each other, I assure you."

Arya considered this. "So like...a three-way?"

"Exactly. Robb's quite the stud, these days." He paused, and then added, "Jon's getting it to, if you were curious."

She was confused. "Getting what?"

He stared at her incredulously. "The v, Arya. The v."

It took her a second, and then she understood. This time, she couldn't hide her surprise. "_Jon? _A _girlfriend_? He didn't even tell me!"

Theon shrugged. "He's insisting they're just friends, but practically the whole school is aware that they're banging. He's smitten, I tell you. Smitten like a kitten."

She glared at him. "That was the worst rhyme I've ever heard."

"I know."

There was silence between them. Then Arya asked, "Is she pretty, his girlfriend?"

Theon looked over at her. "Who, Ygritte? I suppose she's rather beautiful, in a wild sort of way. You'd like her, I think. She does what she wants, you know?"

Arya stored that information away, and the pouted. "I can't believe my own brother didn't tell me he had a pretty girlfriend."

Theon grunted in response. "Makes you wanna get back at him, doesn't it?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

She grinned like a cat, and nodded.

The next morning, Arya fidgeted impatiently at the breakfast table as the rest of the family and Theon ate. The rest of the family except Jon, that is. He took a horrendously long amount of time showering, brushing his teeth, and styling his hair, and Arya wished he would just hurry up and reveal her and Theon's handiwork.

There had been a moment last night when Arya was sure their prank would be ruined; Robb had stumbled into the bathroom at one in the morning to find Arya and Theon tampering with Jon's toiletries. He had stared between the two of them, as they somewhat guiltily avoided looking at him. He opened his mouth, and what they were sure was going to be a rebuke was instead "Have fun. And hurry up, I need to take a piss."

It didn't appear that Robb had revealed their treachery, as everything seemed to be going to plan.

Speaking of which, there was a sudden shout from upstairs, and then the rumbling of quick footseps down the stairs. With hardly any warning, Jon burst into the kitchen, eyes ablaze. He planted himself in the middle of the floor, pointed a shaking finger to his head, and whispered threateningly, "Who did this?"

Jon's prized curls were not his usual shade. The neon of the dye Theon had provided struggled with the darkness of Jon's hair, resulting in a sickly vomit color. Arya considered it an even greater success.

The room was silent, but she couldn't help herself. "Make sure you send a picture to _Ygritte." _she said sweetly.

And then the kitchen was filled with the sound of Arya's and Theon's laughter, Jon's curses, and the laments of Catelyn about ruined Christmas photos.

**Part 2 of 5. I hope you liked it, and please review!**


End file.
